Global warming is the calamity du jour. We’ve had the Y2K scare, the ozone layer disaster, the planet alignment doom and the meteorite crash panic. It has it all: fanatic followers, a global campaign (led by an ex-future president of USA, no less), rabid nay-sayers, corporate interests, government involvement, hare-brained schemes… The works. According to one side, this flavour of human civilization has about a century left, give or take. The other side maintains that in terms of environmental impact, volcanoes beat us hands-down. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? The debate rages on.
The generated noise was enough, however, to attract regulatory notice. Carbon offsetting, biofuels, alternative energy sources, eco light bulbs – no matter where you read this, your government has probably sponsored or imposed at least one of them, and if it didn’t, the rest of the world is probably busy denouncing it right now as a retrograde, selfish and pig-headed rule, unfit for the brave new world of the XXIst century. They’re probably looking into banning methane-producing monsters (also known as cows) as we speak.
But there’s one place where they’re not going to look – although they should, it’s one of the most inefficient and resource-hungry industry on the planet. No, it’s not unfiltered coal plants. It’s not cows either, evil as they may be. It’s us. Or, to be more specific, it’s us tourists.
Tourism has got to be the number one global warmth generator nowadays. And it starts with the kerosene burnt to take surfers from Finland to Australia or ski enthusiasts from Japan to Switzerland – or, closer to home, the petrol wasted inching along on roads chock-full of caravans. Sure, there are people now paying a so-called voluntary “carbon offset tax”. That’s pretty much as efficient as giving an aspirin to a 3rd degree burn victim. Just makes one feel unjustifiably good about oneself.
Then there’s the resources consumed once the tourist gets there. The food they eat, some of which is more often than not also flown in. The air conditioning in the hotel room. The useless junk that only exists because they need to buy souvenirs. We should also take into account the building and maintenance costs of the hotels, which must be just about the most inefficient form of sheltering known to man – given that most of them are only open “on-season”, 4-6 months a year.
A special place in global-warmer hell should be reserved for low-cost airlines. These glorified buses make it easier than ever for a bloke of average means to set foot on strange, miraculous lands and have a BigMac and a beer thereabouts. Their planes should be cordoned off by flower-wearing hippies, and GreenPeace activists should chain themselves to the landing gears. But no. Hippies are off visiting San Francisco, the hippy capital of the world, and GreenPeace activists are too busy chasing Japan’s whale-hunting fleet in the Antarctic Ocean, which is ok, you know, because their boats are sail-powered and completely environment neutral.
So seriously, stop tourism. It’s an environmental disaster. Get people to have their holidays in their backyard, or at least within cycling distance of their homes. I’m sure it’s going to be a popular idea with the green crowd. Want to see new places, experience new things and cultures? You can see them all on Discovery Travel. Exotic dishes? I’m sure a deli close by will be able to accommodate your wishes.
Holidays at home. Coming to a tourism agency near you.